I dont really know what I want in my life. Going through a phase in life that I pretty much dont know what I’m doing in life these days.
There are those times when I just want to disappear or go far far away. Living in a country where no one knows me.
Everytime I cry, I get headache and it’s so painful. Occassionally, not often, when I can’t bear the situation, I end up hitting my head with my hand or banging to the wall and hurt myself. I’m losing control or probably I’m completely aware and concious, but I still do it anyway.
I worry myself. I’m afraid that one day I’ll be losing control and ends up doing stupid thing that I call disappear.
This afternoon I picked a fight with my boyfriend. He then told me how sad and upset he is. I couldnt say much but saying sorry few times. I blame myself.
After a while, I didn’t write as much as I used to since I was quite overwhelmed with all those excessively life-changing moments since the beginning of this year. By life-changing moments, I mean…
1. You know you’ve grown up when you are reading this list!
2. You know you’ve grown up when none of the things you want for Christmas can be bought at the stores.
3. You know you’ve grown up when the older you get, the more death you’ll witness and you went to the funeral of your grandma. You understand death and loss.
4. You know you’ve grown up when you can go wherever you want without asking your mom first. You tell her you’re going somewhere far away next week out of nowhere. Norway, Alaska, Cape Town, name it. Read More
No one has the right to judge the pain inside of your heart. They are not the ones who sit by your bedside when you cry yourself to sleep at night. They are not the ones who carry the mountains on your shoulders as you get through the day. They are not the ones who are wondering where your happiness went. They are not the ones aching to smile again. No one should ever judge a pain they’ve never felt. Those who love you don’t judge you. They listen to you. They understand you. And they love the pain out of you. They dont try to beat the pain out of you by denying you the right to feel it. You have the right to feel the pain.
Are we really comfortable where we are in life, or are we just settling because we don’t believe we can get any better? Most people I have met try to portray that they are comfortable, yet once they really open up it seems there are many things that they wish they could achieve or attain. Every time someone asked me how I was, I would reply with the words ‘not bad’ or ‘okay’. For a long time I thought I was lying to myself.